Monday, November 20

a Thankful list

like so many it sometimes takes a holiday outlining the {{big picture}} to make me stop and think. Thanksgiving is like that for me. it reminds me to slow down and really give thanks for the life i live.

while i believe we "create our own reality", i also know that "time and unforeseen occurences befall us all". and so, this week i am thankful for a many things. writing has always been a way for me to work things out. by writing these things now, i hope they will stay with me, and help me to be truely, mindfully, be thankful far beyond thursday.

i am thankful for my MiL {{Mother in Love}} in recent years she has been the single biggest influence in my life. until her death last year she was my biggest supporter, my confidant, my best friend, and my hero!! so much of who i am today, i learned from knowing her... those words are from a song from Wicked, but so fitting! i miss her dearly. yet am so thankful for having had her in my life for 41 years. thanksgiving was her favorite holiday. i never understood it before. i do now.

i am thankful that my husband is who he is. he is big, and burley, rough around the edges and sometimes in the middle. he looks and frequently acts like grizzly adams. but he is such an old softy!! quiet, soft spoken, easy going style. he is perfect for me. he gives me my way when i insist on having it, and he pushes me ((figuratively)) when he knows it will help me. i have never doubted his love for me. ours is a passionate marriage, not a perfect one. i couldn't ask for anything more!!!

i am so thankful that my daughter has made such a huge turnaround in her life. 5 years ago, thanksgiving was disasterous. not for me, but for her. as parents when our children are following a path not well suited for anyone, we sometimes feel like they are {{doing}} it to us. they aren't. what she did, she did to herself. she was the only one who could change her couse. she has certainly done that! i can't begin to put into words how i feel about her, and for her. she is the best mother i know. she is a better mother than i was. i couldn't be happier for her, or with her. i am so thankful for her.

i am thankful for my 18 year old son who has never been any trouble to us. in times when drinking, smoking, and drugs {if even experimental} are common place, he has never to MY knowledge done any of these. trust me, i don't have stars in my eyes when i look at him... but he has been such a blessing. he spends time bonding with his father, that he could easily spend hanging with friends instead. i so wanted a son when i had him, and i thank my lucky stars everyday that i got to be his mom.

i am thankful everyday for ethyn. the first thing people think when they see the two of us together, is that he is mine. i don't want that. he is jamie's son. i am nanny. the first thing people say to me is "you look too young to be his grandmother". i am young. i'll do the math for you...{{this is the next thing people do...}} i had my daughter at 17. i was a grandmother at 38. i was young. but i wouldn't change a thing. when you change one thing, you change everything. ethyn is the light of my life. i am old enough now to do things with him, i didn't think or even know about doing when i was a young mother. i am old enough to know how lucky i am to have him to enjoy at this age in my life. i am old enough that regardless of what happens in the next 5 minutes, i have had one small boy who looks at me with stars in his eyes, the same way i look at him.

i am truely thankful, and absolutely blessed.

my life is far from perfect. i am loud. my house can be loud, and messy, and even dirty. i don't cook very often, or very well anymore. my husband has slept on the couch, as have i when he insisted on sleeping in bed when i would rather he didn't. my daughter has worried me to no end, for a few years on end, and my son has made me cry. but i am thankful. for all of it. and all of them. i am thankful they've stood by me when i wasn't at my best. i am thankful for my life, all of it. the better and the worst.

i hope i remember these things and more well beyond this thursday. i am thankful for the reminder it brings to think about how sweet life really is.

peace out, happy people!!
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